Thanks yummy corn, see you tomorrow.
“Bearing witness” is not watching a beheading video on your iPad from your IKEA couch. Nice couch by the way.
Everything Neil deGrasse Tyson says gives me a panic attack.
My iPhone just autocorrected “I love you” to “nothing is funny when you are around.”
If Burt Reynolds was an island you could live on that would be awesome.
I have so much less anxiety now that I have started lying all the time.
You make my dreads come true.
Women are all like, bra, bra, bra.
What does it mean? I don’t know, I just thought it was funny — my epitaph.
My dick is made out of soap so it is always clean.
My rapper name is Vatican II.
BYOADDICTION
I am not bored enough to own a Fitbit.
