Elegy to Myself
in ASL gloss and English
|
Me what?
Book not-yet written
Once write finish
My-heart break
Me-die float-air
Flit-flit-flit-behind what?
Words-float-everywhere
Book-slam-shut words-float-everywhere-boom
Me ghost no more
Me what?
Future my-name mean nothing
Me do-do now?
Dance-dance among friends-them alive still
Hug-hug fear none
Me die when
Friends-them cry-cry confess love-me?
My life so-far not great
Me ghost stuck books fade d-u-s-t will
Argument none
Guts words nothing
|
I am a book waiting to happen. How my heart will break when it does. I will flit through the air, the old deaf bastard that I am, leaving behind a trail of words that evaporate the second one closes a book of mine. I will cease to be a ghost and more a hollow name that does not echo in the halls of time. I will dance among the ones I love who are still alive. I will give them hugs that I couldn’t give for fear of strange looks. When I go, will they weep and reveal too late how much they loved me? My life makes for a lousy elegy. I am a ghost trapped in books that will surely fade to dust. Trust me. Words are nothing. |
Raymond Luczak is the author and editor of 22 books, including Flannelwood (Red Hen Press) and Lovejets: Queer Male Poets on 200 Years of Walt Whitman (Squares & Rebels). He lives in Minneapolis, Minnesota, and online at raymondluczak.com.
