I have tried to live life sitting up
though it’s always tempting to lie down
resting on the part of my spine that juts out
I think about the possibility of someone holding onto my heart.
Life isn’t a game,
We try and explain.
But we are chasing the things we want.
We are making the moves
To differentiate ourselves
(or at least myself)
we look in the mirror for some reason to care
and to justify what we want
and why what we want is right.
Why exploding the soapy bubble was the right thing
Why stinging the girl in the headband set her free
Why holding onto the one person who was so consistently inconsistent to you
was so beautiful.
But so prolonged.
Was it worth holding on?
Allowing myself to become lesser in the eyes of the community.
Letting my chest soak in the thick spaghetti of the world outside my home.
The dusty screen and the toasty bed become antiquated
like an old familiar teacher.
I never got to prove them wrong.
But what would that do?
Prove them right about someone else?
Now I’m looking in the mirror
Did I want the right things?
Did I do those things right?
What have I done right?
It’s the recurring story of our lives.
There’s just no time.