I have felt like the world was going to end before
It felt like a phone call from my mom telling me my friend hanged herself
At her funeral we talked about souls and light
How Jocey’s light was still in the universe and that it would never leave
If the world ends tomorrow will we all be little lights?
Will I still be able to touch you?
My sister’s favorite memory is of the day contractors tore up the floor in our kitchen
Our mother gave us two fat sharpies to scribble all over the checkered linoleum
Before the ripping and breaking started
I want to hold on to how happy this memory makes my sister feel
How strange it is that I can barely remember it
I am thankful and happy
But worry I spend too much time thinking I am not
Explaining why I can’t be
I took too much time deciding it was unhealthy to talk to my father
And when I finally stopped I felt guilty for years
But I also spent so much time saying what I felt
Arguing and laughing
I have lived with people I love
And my favorite thing in the world is when my mother laughs so hard her whole face scrunches and turns red
Sometimes I meditate on how it feels to hold the hand of someone you love for the first time
Sweaty and a bit rushed
I love the idea of palms and how they feel pressed against each other
I could never say anything that felt as good as love
As good as dinner with my family, swimming in lakes, lying next to my best friend
Today I spent all day at the beach and if it is the end of the world I want us all to go to the beach
Lie in the sun and maybe the ocean will swallow us at the very end
But until then we can dig our toes into the sand
Let all the good ions from the ocean soak into our skin
If the last thing I smelled was the ocean I’d be happy
Emma Tasini-Koger is a sophomore at Pitzer College. She grew up in the Bay Area and used to work and write at Youth Speaks in San Francisco. She loves the way poetry creates intricate webs of connection.
