SHELDON LEE COMPTON: Tomorrow the world is made of food. Everything can be eaten. At some point you’re going to get hungry, so where do you start? You can explain what shit is made of what if you want. I think it’d be fun.
BUD SMITH: That podcast, This American Life had a segment about the artisanal toast movement. If the world had a section made of artisanal cinnamon and sugar toast, I’d probably start there. Also on the podcast, there was a coffee shop that only serves halved coconuts, shots of grapefruit juice, coffee and the cinnamon toast I mentioned. If tomorrow the world doesn’t turn into an edible wonderland, I’d like to go to San Francisco and check out this Trouble, Coconut and Coffee Club place. We feed the squirrels in the park up the street halved coconuts sometimes, and I was only in San Francisco for a day, in 2001, and it was Fourth of July.
SLC: Did Proust waste his time?
BS: Nah, he’s cool. He didn’t waste any of my time. I haven’t read him yet. On his Wikipedia page I see why you asked that question. Wrote those books related to time. That’s great. Wikipedia wastes my time. That’s what wastes my time. Start out reading about Proust and that sends me to reading about hard boiled eggs and that sends me to read about Stonehenge. I just looked up from the computer at the clock and I haven’t been at work for three day. Thanks Wikipedia.
SLC: Are you Patrick Swayze or Sam Elliott in Road House? Or neither? Basically you’re a guy in a movie who can kick some ass. Who are you?
BS: I’m probably the garbage man who picks up the trash that comes to that real serene ranch that Swayze stays at. I ride on the back of the garbage truck and don’t fight anybody. I fight bags of garbage.
SLC: You’re planning to rob a Shell Mart gas station, the ones with the insanely good pizza rolls, with your favorite author. Tell me about how you two go about it.
BS: I’d give my favorite author a gorilla suit and a rubber gun and send them into the shell station to get the money while I stole all of the window washer fluid stacked on pallets outside by the pumps. I’d be dressed in a Godzilla suit.